always is never true

SUMMARY: When our emotions run high, we’re often not in touch with what we’re really feeling. How can you communicate your true feelings without damaging your relationship? Read on to find out why always is never true!

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Have you ever heard yourself say something like this to your spouse when you’re upset: You never help around here, or, You always do that?  

You always…  You never…

Let’s be honest - we probably all have made these kinds of statements from time to time. But when we take a step back and consider what we’ve said, we realize it’s just not true!

In fact, not only are they not true, they’re actually forms of damaging and toxic manipulation. Using absolutes (always or never) when we feel angry or hurt or frustrated may provide us with initial satisfaction but, in the long run, they can actually be harmful, and even fatal, to the relationship because they open old wounds and create new ones. 

When a situation like this arises, it’s helpful to consider the source of the anger, hurt or frustration. Usually this kind of statement comes from keeping score or feeling insecure in some area of your relationship. Take a step back and ask yourself whyyou’re making these statements. 

What happened to cause you to be flooded with emotion? What emotion(s) are you feeling? For example, is it anger, frustration, insecurity or maybe some other emotion? This kind of self-awareness can be very helpful in determining how to resolve the problem.

When our emotions run high we often are not in touch with what we’re really feeling. The flood of emotion can prevent us from really understanding what’s going on and we lash out as a result.

While it can be difficult in the heat of the moment to be objective about the situation, with practice, we can teach ourselves to take a breath, calm down and respond in a manner that will bring positive and healthy resolution.

How can you communicate your feelings without damaging your relationship?

Let’s be clear: your feelings may well be valid. 

Dealing with those feelings in a destructive and toxic way, however, is not!

Sometimes we need to allow ourselves a moment (or several!) to calm down before addressing the situation. Remember, you and your spouse are actually on the same team. 

Next time you find yourself in this kind of situation, take a breath. Become more self-aware by examining your own feelings. Consider ways to have an honest and vulnerable discussion about the situation with your spouse.

And then have that discussion. Don’t avoid it; plan for a healthy outcome!

Doing this on a consistent basis will speak life into your marriage.

For more information about pre-marital preparation and marriage coaching, click HERE.